I decided to do a little review of things that changed my life. Some for the better, and some that were a mixed blessing.

One of the earliest really big moments in my life was falling in love for the first time. Really falling in love, not just some "hey I'm on a youth camp and this girl looks nice" thing. It was definitely one of those that fall into the category of mixed blessings. The bad part of it was that for most of the time, my being in love was answered with friendship, and nothing more. A good part of it was that for most of the time, there was the friendship. A friendship that grew very close and for some weeks I thought myself to be in heaven because it came so close to being a "real" relation. Or was it? I'll probably never know for sure, though my guess is that her feelings in that particular time were rather mixed up too.

I feel ambivalent about it. Most of the times, I savour the nice memories, but sometimes I ask myself: it took me several years (at least seven) to get over it - wouldn't it have been better if there hadn't been the friendship? I'll never know that for sure either, but at the end of the day my past brought me to where I am now and all in all I'm happy with it.

We still have the friendship - we don't talk very often but when it happens, it brings joy to my day. I would invite her to my wedding, and that means as much as "I am happy that you are a part of my life, and I want you to share in my joy on that most beautiful day in my life".